I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
