You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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