Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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