I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
