So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
