My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
how does that bad decision feel?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
