I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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