cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
