OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
