You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Ladies don't puke and tell
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
