she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
