i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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