You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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