When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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