wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
