I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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