he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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