just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I cut my penus on the lid.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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