i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
