Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
