On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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