2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize