Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
