I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
