lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Drunk is not a location!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
