Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
