so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
