is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
