i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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