So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize