i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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