Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
