It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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