my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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