i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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