ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize