There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize