If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
