Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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