Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
