your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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