omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
