I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize