did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
