I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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