I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
