People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
