I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize