My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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