He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
