I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
