I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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