you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
