Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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