I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize