Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
