Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
