Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
