Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
