im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
