Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
