We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
