Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
