You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Drake has all the answers
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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