Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
