i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
