Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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