note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
