He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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