how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
