I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
