I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
